Fighting the Inertia of Grieving

Many thanks to Tent Blogger, who’s post The Power of Inertia, finally got me writing a post, after long delay.  I’ve been trying hard not to feel guilty about being absent from my blog for so long. I love my blog, and I really love writing, but I was struggling for so long to just exist, never mind actually doing any concrete work, that things really piled up. And as I start to gradually come out of the self-imposed (and really necessary) seclusion I’ve been dwelling in, all those projects that I’m so behind on had deadlines that put them ahead of my writing.

And once you miss one week of blogging, it gets easier and easier for others to go by without any writing getting done. And before you know it, it’s been a month or more, and you wonder if you’ll ever go back to it. I know I need to write about what’s been going on – it will help me sort out the jumble in my head, but I struggle with how personal I really want to get on this blog.  I usually save my more personal writing for my Off the Path blog, but I think sharing what I’ve been going through isn’t necessarily a bad thing at the moment if it keeps me posting.

Following my mother’s death at the beginning of December, my grandmother passed away less than a month later; her will to keep fighting seriously diminished by the death of my mother.  Already struggling to find my way through one loss, I found myself sliding down into depression, mood swings, and anxiety. Despite all the wonderful support from family and friends it’s my task alone to get through this, and getting back into the practice of writing regularly will go a long way to help.

I had my first really good day Tuesday since all of this began, and I’ve been trying to capitalize on that momentum by pushing myself to work a little more each day. I’ve missed my blogging friends and keeping up with their blogs, but I just don’t know how solid this return to my blogging world really will be.  I do have a few posting prompts ready to go, and with the fresh snowfall yesterday I hope to go out and do some tracking tomorrow.  Nothing gets me excited to share about the natural world than my finds on a tracking expedition.  Here’s hoping nothing crops up tomorrow to throw off my momentum for getting out and exploring.

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Comments

10 Responses to “Fighting the Inertia of Grieving”
  1. I am so sorry about your double loss and it will be a process to feel better. I do understand this well and exactly how you feel about your loss and your blog. Write what you want to and when you want to. No pressure.. I wanted to let you know I am thinking about you…Michelle

    • Withywindle Nature says:

      Thank you so much, Michelle – I’ve been thinking about you as well, and wishing you all the best through your own ordeal. I’m hoping to get over and catch up with your blog soon!

  2. Happy to see you back on the blog, Cynthia. Even if it’s just one post! It sounds like a good tracking adventure might be in order for you. I hope those good days keep coming!

    • Withywindle Nature says:

      Thanks Jennifer. I’ve missed being here, and visiting your blog. I’m hoping this step helps me get back on track with blogging. Looking forward to getting caught up with your blog – I get your posts by email, and they help to keep blogging near my mind, even if I’m not practicing on a regular basis!

  3. Leora says:

    So sorry to read about your losses. My father died this past fall, and I was taking care of him before that. It did not go smoothly, and it was quite painful.

    I’m glad I saw your post on Google+ – please, continue writing!

    • Withywindle Nature says:

      Thanks so much, Leora – and I’m sorry for your loss as well. Losing a parent is never easy, regardless of how it happens. Although her death was sudden, my brother and I did talk about how we were glad we didn’t have to see her hospitalized with a lingering illness. She probably went about the most graceful way she could have, in her own home, still under her own (though limited) power. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Fe says:

    Cynthia- I am so sorry to hear of your losses. I lost my dad this fall. Grieving takes so much out of you. Thank you for sharing this.
    All my best,
    Fe

  5. Kate says:

    Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry to hear of your losses. Sending big hugs down route 2 to you.

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